Why Your Goals Aren't Happening (And the 1-Word Shift to Fix It)

Are Your Goals on Your “Must” List—or Just Your “Should” List?

You want it. You have wanted it for a long time.

Better health. Better career. A business. A calmer, more intentional life.

You have read the books. You have set the goals. You have told yourself, again and again: I really should do this.

And yet—here you are. Still wanting. Still waiting. Still wondering why nothing has changed.

Here is the truth—and the truth I have felt in my own life, too: wanting something is not enough. The distance between where you are and where you want to be is not a gap in effort or intelligence - It is a gap in standards.

"The internal desire to be the best version of yourself is the only standard that matters." — Kobe Bryant 

The Difference Between a “Should” and a “Must”

A “should” is a preference. A wish. A polite intention.

A “must” is a commitment. A non-negotiable. It leads to action now.

Most people are driven by a long list of shoulds. I should eat better. I should exercise more. I should start that project. There is always tomorrow. There is always next Monday. There is always “when things calm down.”

Musts are different. When something becomes a must, you find the time. You find the energy. You find the way. You take action now.

Think about this: when something truly had to happen in your life—when your health was at stake, when someone you loved needed you, when your back was finally against the wall—you showed up. Every single time.

That is the power of a must. And you can choose to activate it before the crisis forces you to.

“Should” Energy	“Must” Energy
I should lose weight someday.	I must nourish my body—starting today.
I should be less stressed.	I must protect my peace as a daily practice.
I should work on my goals.	I must dedicate time to what matters most.
I should be happier.	I must choose happiness—on purpose, every day.

You do not get what you want. You get what you are absolutely committed to.

Why “Shoulds” Keep You Stuck

A should keeps you in a comfortable state. You are not failing—because you never fully committed. You are not succeeding—because you never fully decided.

That is the trap of dabbling. We scatter our energy across many good intentions and never apply the focused, sustained action that real transformation requires.

There is something else at work too: your identity.

If you secretly believe you are someone who “struggles with consistency” or “has always been this way”—your actions will follow that belief, no matter how hard you try. Your brain is wired to keep you consistent with how you see yourself. This is why raising your standards must go hand in hand with raising your beliefs about what you are capable of.

Where in my life have I been treating as a ‘should’ that my life is asking me to make a ‘must’?

The Beliefs That Have Been Quietly Running the Show

Our beliefs act as unquestioned commands to our nervous system. We do not examine them. We simply live as if they are true.

Here are some of the most common ones I see in the people I coach:

LIMITING BELIEF 1

"I have tried before and it never sticks—so why would this time be different?"

LIMITING BELIEF 2

"I am too busy, too tired, too far behind to really change right now."

LIMITING BELIEF 3

"Other people can do this, but I am just not wired that way."

These beliefs are not facts. They are stories, and you can rewrite them.

The first step is simply to see them. To hold them up to the light and ask: is this belief serving the life I am trying to build? Is it true—or is it just familiar?

“It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.” — Tony Robbins

Moments That Changed Everything for Me

I have made many decisions in my life that were not plans or goals or resolutions. They were musts. Each one came from a moment that stripped everything else away and left only one question: what do I must do now ? 

After my divorce, I made a decision: I must choose happiness. Not someday. Not when the pain eased or life looked easier. Right then, in the middle of rebuilding, I chose to be happier—on purpose. That decision became the first foundation of everything I now teach.

After my cancer diagnosis, I made a decision: I must be healed—in body, in mind, and in spirit. Not “I hope I get through this.” Not “I should probably take better care of myself.” A full, committed, non-negotiable must. That decision changed how I ate, how I rested, how I asked for help, and how fiercely I protected my energy.

After my near-miss car accident—when the car spun 360 degrees on the highway and I felt complete peace in what I thought were my final moments—I made my deepest decision: I must live fully and love deeply, on purpose, every single day. Not when conditions are perfect. Not when I feel ready. Every day.

None of those decisions were comfortable. None of them came with guarantees. But each one changed the entire direction of my life—because I stopped treating it as something I should do and made it something I Must do.

Your must does not have to come from a crisis. It just has to be real.

"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice." — Wayne Dyer

How to Make the Shift—Today

This is not about motivation. Motivation comes and goes. This is about decision. And a decision, is only real when you cut off all other options and commit to one direction.

Here is a simple practice to begin right now:

1.  Write your current “shoulds”

List everything you have been meaning to do. Do not judge the list. Just get it out of your head and onto paper.

2.  Choose one and make it a must

Not all of them. Just one. The one that, if you truly committed to it, would change everything else. Circle it. Say out loud: “This is no longer a should. This is a must.”

3.  Identify the belief underneath the block

Ask yourself: “What have I been believing about myself that has made this feel optional?” Name it. Write it down. Then write the new belief that the version of you who has already achieved this holds instead.

4.  Take one action today—not tomorrow

Not a big action. A real one. A small, concrete step that signals to yourself: I mean this. The action is not about results yet. It is about building trust with yourself.

Take a moment and ask yourself honestly: What is the one area of my life—my health, my relationships, my purpose, my joy—where I have been settling for a “should” when my life is asking for a “must”? Write it down. Say it out loud. Let it become real.

Standards are not what you hope for. They are what you refuse to live without.

You Are Ready for More Than You Are Currently Asking of Yourself

I know this place—the place where you want more but somehow keep arriving back at the same patterns. I have lived there too.

What shifted for me was not a new technique or a better plan. It was a decision. Three decisions, in fact—each one made in a moment of absolute clarity, each one saying: I choose more. I choose better. I choose myself.

Those decisions did not wait for perfect conditions. They did not wait for the right moment. They simply required one clear, courageous, committed choice.

You have that same choice available to you right now.

What will you move from your “should” list to your “must” list today?

With love,

Lisa

Founder, Be Happy On Purpose

Disclaimer: The content shared on this website is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any condition or disease. Please consult a qualified healthcare professional regarding your individual health needs.